How to stop being a people-pleaser: Using practical Cofortistry life coaching tips to building resilience and personal transformation

How often do you catch yourself making decisions just to avoid letting someone down? It’s a common struggle—the desire to meet expectations, keep the peace, and maintain harmony. But what if trying to please everyone keeps you stuck? You may be wondering how to stop being a people-pleaser!

Seeking to never disappoint anyone is a luxury that no one can afford. It’s not even possible! What this means is that we should learn to see others’ disappointment with us as simply a cost of doing the business of being ourselves. This is not to say that we should ignore the feedback and criticism of others if it has merit, or disregard the feelings of those we care about. Rather, it means that giving others what they want or seeking their approval are not reliable indicators that we are making the best choice. 

This blog post explains how you can apply the principles of Cofortistry life coaching: a powerful art and practice that empowers you to build resilience, strength, and personal transformation through collaboration. Together, we’ll explore why the fear of disappointing others holds us back, provide practical tips for identifying whose opinions truly matter, and discuss how Cofortistry helps you embrace discomfort and pursue meaningful, uncompromised goals.

What happens if you try to please everyone? Understanding the cost of people-pleasing

As we welcome 2025, it’s an ideal time to reflect on the ways we’ve been holding ourselves back and identify the steps we can take to move forward with purpose. One common barrier to personal growth is the fear of disappointing others. From an early age, many of us are conditioned to value approval. We learn that making others happy earns us praise, love, or acceptance. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to build strong relationships, problems arise when the fear of disappointing others dictates our choices.

From an early age, many of us are conditioned to value approval. We learn that making others happy earns us praise, love, or acceptance. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to build strong relationships, problems arise when the fear of disappointing others (or a “people pleaser” dictates our choices.

This fear can lead to:

• Burnout: Constantly saying “yes” to others’ demands leaves little time or energy for your own needs.
• Resentment: Suppressing your desires to appease others often leads to frustration and bitterness.
• Loss of Authenticity: Making decisions based on others’ expectations can cause you to lose sight of your true values and goals.

Imagine living your entire life trying to please everyone, only to look back and realize you’ve neglected what truly matters to you. This isn’t just a hypothetical scenario; it’s a reality for many. But it doesn’t have to be your story.

How Cofortistry life coaching in St. Paul, Minnesota, can help

As the proverb says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Cofortistry embodies this timeless wisdom by emphasizing the strength and transformation that come from working together. Across cultures, we find similar beliefs about the power of collaboration, such as the African proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” These teachings remind us that growth is not a solo endeavor. 

Cofortistry is grounded in these concepts as a partnership-based approach that emphasizes mutual support, shared accountability, and the strength found in trusted relationships to help you move past limiting fears, like the fear of disappointing others.

1. Building resilience together

Disappointing others is uncomfortable, but Cofortistry helps you develop the resilience needed to face that discomfort. By working with a competent coach, you’ll have the support to:

• Identify and prioritize your own needs and values.
• Practice setting boundaries in a safe, constructive way.
• Reframe others’ disappointment as a step toward self-respect.

2. Discovering strength in collaboration

Through Cofortistry, you learn that strength isn’t about going it alone—it’s about leveraging the power of partnership. Collaborative efforts can:

• Provide a sounding board for your decisions.
• Offer encouragement when you feel uncertain.
• Hold you accountable for pursuing your uncompromised goals.

3. Transforming through shared growth

Transformation happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to change. Cofortistry provides you with a nonjudgmental witness to help you safely explore discomfort, learn the rich lessons of mistakes and failures, and celebrate incremental progress. Consider these key aspects of shared growth:

• Exploring discomfort: By stepping outside your comfort zone, you discover new strengths and perspectives that drive meaningful change.
• Embracing failure: Failure is not the end; it’s a stepping stone to growth. Reframe mistakes as valuable learning experiences.
• Celebrating progress: Acknowledging even small achievements builds momentum and reinforces positive change in your journey. These small victories might seem insignificant to others, but a coach who has witnessed your struggles and growth understands their true significance and celebrates them with you in meaningful ways. 

How to identify whose opinions truly matter

Not all opinions are created equal. While it’s natural to care about what others think, it’s crucial to prioritize whose input actually matters.

1. Define your inner circle

Start by identifying the people whose opinions align with your values and who genuinely want what’s best for you. These might include:

• Family members who support your growth.
• Close friends who challenge you to be better.
• Mentors or colleagues who respect your goals.

Write down their names and keep this list small. These are the people whose perspectives deserve your attention.

2. Evaluate their expectations

Ask yourself:

• Are their expectations realistic?
• Do they align with my long-term goals?
• Will meeting these expectations bring me closer to the life I want?

If the answer is “no,” it’s okay to prioritize your own needs. This doesn’t mean disregarding everyone’s feelings, but it does mean setting boundaries where necessary.

3. Learn to say ‘No’ gracefully

Here are some examples of how to decline requests without burning bridges:

• “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to focus on other priorities right now.”
• “That sounds great, but I’m not able to commit at the moment.”
• “I value our relationship, and I want to be honest about what I can realistically handle.”

Looking for more ways to say no and set boundaries? Here are 30 more phrases!

How to stop being a people-pleaser: Learn to be okay with disappointing people

Even when you know it’s the right decision, disappointing someone can feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is normal, but it doesn’t have to control you.

1. Reframe disappointment

Instead of viewing disappointment as failure, see it as a sign that you’re honoring your own needs and values. It’s not selfish; it’s self-respect.

2. Practice mindfulness

When discomfort arises, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that these emotions will pass. You don’t need to act on them.

3. Seek support

Talk to someone you trust about your decision. Often, sharing your thoughts out loud helps clarify your reasoning and reinforces your commitment to yourself.

Embrace the freedom to disappoint

As we enter the New Year, dedicating yourself to living authentically can set the tone for a fulfilling and purpose-driven 2025. Disappointing others is a natural part of this journey. By identifying whose opinions matter, managing discomfort, and protecting your uncompromised goals, you’ll find a sense of freedom and fulfillment that’s worth far more than universal approval.

This is just the beginning of the journey on how to stop being a people-pleaser. In the next blog post, we’ll dive deeper into the concept of uncompromised goals—what they are, how to define them, and why they’re essential for living authentically. You’ll discover actionable strategies to align your life with your values and protect what truly matters most. Stay tuned!

If you’re ready to make 2025 a year of transformation, I’d love to help. Schedule a discovery call today to learn more about my mental health therapy services in Minnesota or my coaching services available nationwide.

I hope this gave you some helpful tips on how to stop being a people-pleaser! What’s one small step you can take today to stop pleasing everyone and start prioritizing yourself? Let me know in the comments below!